Drift
by Melizzy511
Summary: Set after Lead. Alex tries to recapture her old relationships and maybe forge a few new ones. A/O as always. If you were under the age of 18 the first time Stephanie March played Alex, please, skip this story because chances are good you won't get most of my stories.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Drift

PAIRING: A/O

RATING: PG for now, R later

SUMMARY: Set after Lead. Alex tries to recapture her old relationships and maybe forge a few new ones.

**A/N: Once again, this story was long ago published on my mailing list. I am going back to my personal rule of not engaging with reviewers. I need to remind myself, you can fix ugly, you can't cure stupid. If you take the time to review my story, good or bad, thank you. **

Alex Cabot stood outside the bullpen trying to get her nerve up to go inside. She had no idea how long Greylick would be gone, but the first case back had given her a much needed boost of confidence and she was hoping to capitalize on it.

Through the window she could see the familiar brown hair and the glow of the desk lamp. Taking a deep breath she walked through the door and made her way over to Olivia. The brunette was so engrossed in her file she didn't hear Alex approach. The blonde took a moment to just watch her one time friend before making her presence known.

"Alex? What are you doing here?" Olivia inwardly flinched at the accusation in her voice.

Alex faltered and suddenly felt unsure of her decision. She quickly changed her mind and offered the brunette a slight smile.

"Uh, nothing." She was clearly lying and looking every where but at Olivia. "Cragen in?" She knew he wasn't by the fact his office was dark.

Olivia studied the blonde and felt an odd mix of anger and sympathy.

"Nope." She leaned back in her chair and put her hands behind her head.

"Oh, ok. Well, I'll see you around." She turned and had taken a step when Olivia's words stopped her.

"The old Alex wouldn't have done that."

She turned and frowned at the detective.

"Done what?"

"Traipsed all the way down here to see somebody and then chicken out and lie."

Alex nodded at her and then spoke. "I'm not that Alex any more." Now she did turn back around and start for the door. She didn't get very far before she was being spun around by the brunette.

"Talk to me Alex. We were friends once. Pretty good friends I thought."

Alex swallowed hard. "Before I came back and didn't get in touch with any of you?"

Olivia was much quieter this time. "Alex...why'd you come down here tonight? And don't lie to me this time."

Alex couldn't help but quip, "I've lied to you before detective."

Olivia chuckled. "Alex...talk to me. Please?"

Alex shifted from foot to foot. "I actually came looking for you. I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a drink?"

Olivia nodded and grabbed her coat, and was soon walking down the hallway with the blonde.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

O'Malley's

Olivia had suggested they go O'Malley's which wasn't a cop bar or an upscale bar. It was a neighborhood bar nowhere near either woman's apartment. She had a feeling going back to the bar where Alex had been shot might not be such a good idea.

Instead of sitting at the bar they had actually taken a seat in a booth, in the back of the bar. She was surprised when the blonde ordered a Lynchburg Lemonade. She raised her eyebrow.

"I did a very brief stint in Tennessee, home of Jack Daniels. I acquired the taste and brought it back to New York with me." She got a far off look in her eyes.

"Alex?"

"Elliot only got it half right Olivia. I didn't call because it meant remembering you guys being there when I got shot."

"Oh?"

"Calling meant having to remember I got shot period. And I don't like to do that."

"Oh Alex. I'm sorry. I wish I could have been there for you."

Alex drained her glass."You were. All of you were. In my mind anyway. Both while I was gone and when I came back. I retreated into myself after I entered the program." She shrugged. "It was important to my sanity."

Olivia searched her friends face and saw the fine lines around her eyes, the hard edge of her posture and the heartbreaking look in her eyes.

"What do you want Alex? What do you need?"

Alex signaled for another drink and took her time answering.

"I want to turn back time and get back the last 5 years, but that can't happen. So What I need now is a friend. You were right, we were close once and I hope I can repair the harm I've done to our relationship?"

Olivia gave her a reassuring smile.

"I'd like that. I've missed you Counselor."


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three nights since Alex and Olivia had gone out for drinks and the brunette hadn't heard from the blonde at all. She also hadn't called her, intent on making Alex make the first move for their friendship.

"Benson."

"Hey Liv, it's Alex. Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner tonight?" Alex sounded nervous even to her own ears. She mentally chided herself for being nervous about asking a friend to dinner.

"Yeah. What time and where? And do you want to go together or separate?"

"We can go together. My treat. I'll be done here by 6. I'll meet you at the station."

They ended the call and Olivia felt lighter at the thought of going to dinner with Alex, something Elliot noticed.

"What's up? Hot date?"

She laughed. "Hardly. I'm having dinner with Alex."

He looked at her strangely. "Dinner plans with Alex put you in this good of a mood? Wow. You need to get out more."

She threw a paper wad at him. "We used to be good friends Elliot. I've missed having some estrogen around here. You have no idea how hard it is to be the only woman."

He raised his eyebrows. "What was Casey?" He knew better than to mention Graylick. The young ADA had rubbed them all the wrong way.

Olivia waved him off. "Casey was….not Alex. I mean, the woman had no sense of style, she was annoying and we never really respected her, you know? At least when Alex severely bent the rules, it helped us. Casey lied and got disbarred. How stupid can you be?"

Elliot gave her his trademark, "Ooookay."

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia looked around the place Alex had chosen. It wasn't upscale nor was it casual. It was somewhere in between and not a place she would have ever picked for Alex. Alex saw her casing the place and smiled.

"What's the matter? Don't you think I belong here?"

Busted Olivia finally just shrugged. "Well, the old Alex wouldn't have dined in a place like this. Her tastes were more…refined. A place more fitting of a slinky red dress or a complete dive. There was no in between with you. This is in between."

Alex took her words in and looked around the restaurant, seeing it through Olivia's eyes.

"You're right. The old Alex was one extreme or the other. I rather like this aspect of the new Alex. I learned the hard way that moderation gets you further."

"How so?" As soon as the words left her mouth she felt stupid.

"My life never would have changed had I been more bendable on Velez."

"I'm sorry Alex. I realized what I'd said as soon as I said it."

"Don't worry about it. Let's order."

They were almost finished with their meal when Alex got a deer in the headlights look on her face. Olivia turned to see what was causing her distress and frowned as a man made his way toward them.

"Alexandra."

She gave him a tight smile and her eyes dimmed ever so slightly. "Robert."

He stood there looking at Alex and Alex was physically shrinking away without actually going anywhere. Olivia frowned as she watched the interaction.

"Hi. I'm Det. Benson." She stood up and held out her hand. Robert looked at it as though it had offended him, but finally shook it. Olivia could have sworn he discretely wiped his hand on his pants afterwards.

"May I have a moment Alexandra?"

"Robert, I'm having dinner with an old friend. I'd like to be left alone please."

The muscle in his jaw twitched but he nodded and turned and left.

"What was that?"

Alex sighed. "A very major mistake that ended badly." She looked at Olivia to see if she might know anything about her broken engagement. The realization that crossed her face was proof enough for Alex that the grapevine had been abuzz even over at the 1-6.

"Ah. I forgot about…well, whatever it was that happened between you."

"I cheated. We all know it. And to add insult to Robert's injury word got out that it was…on my desk with a subordinate." Her face flamed.

"Ouch." Olivia debated asking the question she wanted to know but just couldn't go there.

"You want to know why all of that happened." She smiled. "I was trying to catch up on things I thought I'd missed out on while I was gone. I was trying to fit back into the mold I'd left long before Velez." She shrugged. "As for sleeping with Jim Steel on my desk, well, that was probably self-sabotage. I knew early on that I wasn't happy with Robert or that life. I let things get to that point with Jim. And I was secretly hoping it would get back to Robert, which it did."

Olivia nodded. "And he didn't take it well?"

Alex shook her head. "That would be an understatement." She shivered remembering his reaction.

Olivia realized why Alex was shivering and pursed her lips.

"Alex…what did he do to you?" She put her hand on the blonde's.

She looked away and then back, tears in her eyes. "He didn't hit me. He just grabbed me and shook me. Hard. My right shoulder gives me problems sometimes from the shooting so it hurt worse than it should have."

Olivia wrapped her hand around her butter knife and squeezed.

"But you left as soon as you could, right?"

"It was about 3 days later when I packed up and left and returned his ring. He tried the entire contrite thing, gift thing and finally down right groveling. He thought my moving out had more to do with him shaking me than the fact that I just didn't love him. His ego couldn't handle it. He still refuses to believe I don't love him."

"What was he doing here? He's definitely not an in between or dive kind of guy."

Alex laughed. "No, he's not. He knows I come here on most Thursday nights."

"Stalking you huh? Want me to do anything with him?"

"No. He's just a mistake I'll have to live with."

"So, are you dating anyone now?"

"Heaven's no! I haven't dated anyone since Robert. It's just easier that way. What about you? I heard about you and Kurt Moss."

Olivia looked surprised. "How'd you know about that?"

"Same grapevine Olivia. I'm sorry it ended."

Olivia shrugged. "Eh, it just is what it is."

Now it was Alex's turn to study her friend. "Did Sealwood have anything to do with it?"

Olivia coughed and sputtered. "Sorry. I didn't think you'd know about that. It was supposed to be hush-hush."

Alex shrugged. "Only a few people know your identity in the D.A.'s office. It was sealed as a sexual assault." She watched the color drain from Olivia's face. "When I heard it was an undercover sting that had to do with rape I knew it was you. I demanded Jack let me see the file." She took a sip of water. "Olivia, did you tell the truth in the report?"

The brunette couldn't look at the blonde but she did manage to nod.

"I'm sorry you went through that. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

Olivia waved her off as dinner came to a close. As they waited for the waiter to bring back their change, Olivia decided to ask Alex about her plans.

"Hey Alex, I'm going to an exhibit at the Met on Saturday. Would you like to go with me?"

Alex smiled. "Only if you'll go see MILK with me on Sunday?"

"Ok. I meant to catch it when it first came out, but I just never got around to it. Where's it playing?"

"The Gay & Lesbian Center . It's a fundraiser for their youth program."

"Ok."

Alex dropped Olivia off at her apartment and sped home, happier than she had been in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex and Olivia were currently standing in front of the carcass of a human that was part of the Body Worlds exhibit. It was the freeze dried remains of an African American male. Both women were starring at his rather large penis.

"I guess it's true what they say…." Olivia looked over at Alex and smiled.

The blonde blushed all the way to the tips of her ears and cleared her throat. "Yes, it is."

Olivia turned and faced her, her stance demanding an explanation.

"Alex? First hand knowledge?"

Alex nodded and then finally looked at Olivia. "That claims adjuster in Wisconsin ? He was black. African American, whatever."

"Really? Well what do you know…miss prim and proper got her some jungle love."

Alex punched Olivia on the arm and scowled at her. "Jungle love? My life was not some Spike Lee movie! Quite the opposite actually and Jamal made it some how better. Or at least not awful."

Olivia nodded. "How about we grab some lunch and you can tell me all about it."

Alex was indignant. "I am not giving you juicy details about my sex life!"

Olivia laughed. "I don't want them! I want to know all about this relationship. Seriously. I want you to tell me as much about your time away as you want or need to. After Sealwood I understand the value in having somebody to confide in. I want to be that for you if you want it or need it."

Alex nodded, touched by Olivia's words and offer. They ended up at a little café down the street from the museum.

"When I first got to Wisconsin , life was awful. It was quiet and cold and ugly. There were no sky scrapers, hot dog vendors or anything else that even remotely resembled my life here. Except for Jamal. He was from LA and we were the two outcasts in the office. My back story was Tulsa , but I'm not sure anybody actually believed that."

"Why's that?"

"I heard more than one comment about how somebody from Tulsa would own at least one pair of cowboy boots."

They shared a laugh and ordered their food.

"So how'd this happen? I mean, don't get me wrong Alex, it's not that I ever thought you were racist or anything, but as far as I know you only ever dated white guys."

Alex smiled at her. "That is true. I guess I just never thought about it or met anybody from any other race that interested me. Jamal was just different and single, which was good. All the other men in the office were either married or dating their long time girlfriends."

"Ah, so it was more about opportunity than interest?"

Alex shook her head. "No, even as lonely and depressed as I was, I would never go to bed with somebody I wasn't interested in and had some sort of dating relationship with."

Olivia raised her eye brows. "Trevor?"

Alex waved her off. "After you and Elliot left us on what was our first date, he and I had an argument about the merits of the case you came to see me about. I saw myself home."

Their food arrived and both women took a few minutes to cut and prepare it for eating.

"Back to Jamal. I want details sans the sex part."

"He was mixed and had skin the color of mocha. He was intelligent and funny and he missed LA as much as I missed New York . He had been sent to the firm to learn all about doing adjustments as part of a multi-year training program to become a company CEO. He caught me reading the online version of the Times one day and we struck up a friendship." She shrugged. "Then one night we were coming back from a movie, having coffee in my living room and the next thing we're kissing. And then we were in bed."

Olivia nodded. "I'm glad you found somebody to ease the pain and loneliness."

She realized Alex had tears in her eyes.

"What?"

"It was wonderful right up until he called out my name…Emily." She shook her head. "That's when I knew my life was over as Alex Cabot. To share something so intimate and then to have the wrong name called out." She shook her head.

Olivia covered her hand with her own and gave her a soft smile.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. It's in the past." She perked up. "Besides, I tried a lot of different things while I was in the program."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

They finished dinner and then went their separate ways with plans to see the movie the next day. Olivia was in bed watching TV when her phone rang. It was Alex.

"Everything ok?"

"Yes. I just wanted to say thank you for letting me talk today. I….I've missed having somebody to talk to."

"Those underlings of yours not good for conversation?"

Alex laughed. "Hardly. Was I ever that wet behind the ears?"

"Not in a million years."

They talked for close to two hours before Alex heard Olivia's soft snore on the other end of the line. She smiled and held the phone for a long time, just listening to her friend sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

Gay & Lesbian Center

Olivia found Alex inside the center talking to a very butch younger woman. It was obvious they knew each other and Olivia was more than a little curious, especially with the way the woman kept ogling Alex.

"Alex?"

The blonde turned and smiled at her.

"Hey Liv! This is Jenni, the youth program coordinator here."

The two women shook hands and Olivia almost laughed at the look Jenni was giving her.

"Nice to meet you. How do you and Alex know each other?"

Jenni puffed up her chest and sniffed. "Alex has been a volunteer here for just over a year and a generous donor for the last three." She stepped closer to Alex. "We're good friends, aren't we Alex?"

The blonde seemed a bit surprised but smiled and nodded anyway. Olivia had to work hard not to laugh at the woman's obvious crush on Alex and her complete oblivion to it. She was pulled from her thoughts by the appearance of several other young people, most of who were with girl and boy friends. They all seemed to know her and she was very at ease with them.

"Sorry about that Liv. Let's go grab a seat and get ready for the movie."

"You go on in and grab some seats and I'll get the popcorn and drinks, ok?"

As she entered the screening room she saw Alex talking to an older lesbian couple. She carefully navigated around until she was next to Alex. She handed the blonde her drink and put the tub of popcorn on the floor. She straightened back up and allowed Alex to introduce her. They chatted for a few minutes until the lights blinked letting them know the movie was about to start.

Marianne was preparing to go to her seat when she smiled at them both and said, "I am so glad Alex has finally found somebody. You two are a striking couple."

Alex and Olivia looked at each other and began to stammer.

"We aren't…"

"I'm not gay…."

"No, we aren't gay Marianne. I'm sorry I thought you knew I wasn't gay!"

Marianne looked surprised and then contrite. "Oh Alex! I wish you had told me and I wouldn't have kept bringing all those women volunteers to your attention!"

Alex was stunned. "You were trying to set me up? On a date?" The older woman nodded. "It's…it's ok. We'll talk next week, ok?"

As they sat down Alex chanced a glance at Olivia who was trying not to laugh at her friend's predicament.

"It's not funny!"

"No, it's not. What is funny is that you don't get that you have several women in here interested in you, not the least of which is Jenni."

Alex started to protest but the movie started, shelving any discussion.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Gino's Pizza

"You can stop laughing any time Olivia! And you could have helped me out back there!"

Olivia threw her hands up. "How was I supposed to know you aren't interested in her?"

"Because I'm not gay? You did hear me tell Marianne that didn't you?"

"Not being gay doesn't preclude you from wanting some girl on girl action Alex. You did say you'd tried a lot of different things while in the program."

Alex chose not to answer her question, opting for a dirty look instead. Midway through their meal Alex finally forgave Olivia and they started talking about Olivia's life since Alex had been back. She was surprised to hear the brunette had a brother.

"Was this from your father? I mean, did you find your father?"

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek, debating how much she wanted to share with the blonde. She finally decided that it did indeed feel good to have somebody to confide in again so she told Alex all about her brother.

"Wow. You're lucky Liv."

The brunette nodded. "I almost lost my job and pension." She played with a piece of pizza. "But I'd do it all over again Alex. Knowing I have a blood relative out there even if it's because of an act of violence."

"Act of violence? Did your father rape Simon's mother?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, he raped my mother who got pregnant with me."

"Oh wow Liv. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's ok. Finding Simon, getting answers, it was all worth it." She thought for a moment. "Well, maybe not completely worth it. If I had lost my job then we wouldn't be sitting here now and I am really glad we've reconnected."

Alex smiled.

"Me too."

Olivia changed the subject.

"So why'd you start volunteering at the center?"

Alex shrugged and pulled on her lip.

"I am still haunted by Cheryl Avery. She died in prison right after I got back. I know I did my job, but I still feel guilty. And I never want another teen to go through that. Anything like that. Plus I enjoy all the gay boys. They keep me in touch with what's in style!"

Olivia howled with laughter.

"First of all, Alex Cabot needs no help in the fashion department. Well, maybe for those pearls you wore the other day. Second, I think it's great that you have found something you can be so passionate about."

"Those were my grandmother's pearls!"

Olivia nodded. "Obviously."


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia awoke to find her phone stuck to her jaw for the third morning in a row. Rubbing her jaw she swore and crawled out of bed. As she stumbled into the shower she thought over the last week and smiled.

She'd had lunch with Alex three times and dinner twice and they were supposed to do something together this weekend. It felt good having her friend back and she really enjoyed talking to Alex. Their first few conversations had been all about catching up, clearing the air and reconnecting; their latest conversations had been about every day things, cases and the world in general.

She was in a good mood by the time she got to work and walked into the station smiling. Elliot caught up to her and couldn't help noticing she was unusually happy.

"What's with you? Did you have a hot date last night?"

She laughed. "Hardly. All I did was eat leftovers and talk on the phone to Alex."

Elliot looked at her strangely. "Talking to Cabot put you in this good a mood?"

She gave him a playful shove. "She's my friend Elliot! I've missed her and I think she's lonely. In the short time she's been back with our unit there's been a big change in her."

"Ok." He watched his partner make her way over to the coffee and thought about what she'd just said. With a shake of the head he sat down.

They worked quietly until it was time for lunch. They were getting ready to leave when the sound of heels clicking came down the hallway. Elliot and Olivia looked up to see Alex coming toward them. She walked right by Elliot and took up her spot on Olivia's desk.

"Hey Liv. Do you want to grab some lunch?"

Olivia looked at Elliot. "We were just heading out. Care to join us?"

Alex turned and took note of Elliot, seemingly for the first time.

"Hey Elliot." She looked back at Olivia and smiled. "Let's go."

City Diner

Elliot was sitting at the table having lunch, feeling completely ignored as Alex and Olivia talked non-stop. He finally settled for leaning on his hand and sucking loudly through his straw. Both women jumped and finally remembered he was with them.

"Oh Elliot, I'm sorry to hog Olivia, it's just been forever since I've had somebody I could confide in!"

He waved his hand. "I live in a house full of women. I'm used to it."

They all laughed. After getting back to the station Alex had spent some time in Cragen's office. As she came out and was about to leave she stopped back by Olivia's desk.

"I'm heading to the gym tonight, want to join me?"

Olivia looked surprised and a tad disappointed. "Sorry Alex, I have that blind tonight."

Alex nodded. "I forgot. Well, call me afterwards." She waved goodbye to everyone and Olivia smiled as she watched her friend disappear.

Elliot, Munch and Fin all watched the exchange and then glanced at each other. Liv had never been this open with anyone, let alone Alex Cabot. And the same could be said for Alex.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That Night

Olivia was having what was arguably the worst dinner of her life. She made a mental note to never allow Doreen in the motor pool department to set her up on a date again. The poor guy was just boring and she was having a hard time even acting as though she were interested.

Her mind kept wandering to Alex and what she was doing and how she'd much rather be with the blonde than sitting in some restaurant with Joe from records. As she was thinking about Alex it dawned on her that the blonde could rescue her from this evil. She quickly excused herself from the table and went to the restroom.

Alex Cabot was in the locker room of the gym getting ready to head out when her cell phone rang. She smiled when she saw it was Olivia's number.

"How's the date?"

"Boring as hell. Help me out?"

"You need an excuse to get out, right?"

"Yep."

"Where are you?"

After telling Alex where they were eating, they hung-up and Olivia returned to the table confident that Alex would come to the rescue. She intentionally turned her ring to the highest level so she wouldn't miss the call.

She was starring off into space as Joe kept prattling on and on about something, and was jolted back to reality by the sound of Alex's voice. She looked up into blue eyes and felt relief. She also noticed Alex was wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt and had her hair pulled into a ponytail. And her glasses. And Olivia thought she looked cute.

"Liv, I am so sorry to interrupt your dinner but I need you to go back to the Fugazzi apartment and re-interview the victim. I'll drive."

Joe started to protest but Olivia shot him a small smile and shook her head.

"Joe I'm sorry but we've been working on this case for weeks. Thank you for dinner. I'll see you around."

Both women bolted out of the restaurant and got into Alex's car.

"Thank God!"

Alex looked over at her friend and smiled. "You look nice. Very pretty."

"Thank you. You look cute yourself."

Alex raised an eyebrow and then glanced down at herself. "Was he that bad?"

"Poor guy was just boring."

Alex pulled in front of Olivia's building and killed the engine.

"You may have to return the favor tomorrow night. I accepted a date with this guy from my gym. He's been asking me out off and on for the last few months; I thought it might be time to get back out there."

She opened her door to get out and at Olivia's look she shrugged.

"You owe me dinner. Take out?"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Next Night

Alex and Olivia had devised a plan to "rescue" the blonde from her date in the event it was horrible. Olivia would call Alex a half hour into the date and if Alex wanted out she would start talking shop; otherwise she'd quickly end the call.

The man sitting across from Alex was good looking, but narcissistic. So far she'd had to listen to how great he was, how fit he was, how rich he was and none of it impressed her. She was counting the minutes until Olivia called. Until then she downed two glasses of wine hoping to dull the pain he was inflicting on her.

After what seemed like an eternity, Olivia called and Alex quickly excused herself. She went straight home and was surprised to find Olivia waiting inside her building for her. The brunette was holding several take out menus.

"Turn about is fair play. Let's go order food."

XXXXXXXXXX

"He said that? God what a jerk!"

Alex nodded and handed Olivia another piece of pizza.

"It gets better, he felt the need to brag about his sexual prowess."

"Eww. Guess you'll be changing your workout time."

"Yep. I think I'm going to go back to not dating."

Olivia laughed. "There is always Jenni!" At Alex's scowl she added, "Hey, she can't be any worse."

"Well you're right about that."

The brunette began to yawn and Alex took in the empty bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table.

"You can stay here tonight."

Olivia didn't argue. She stood up and stretched and then motioned to the couch.

"Just sleep with me. It's easier than dragging out pillows and blankets. I even have a t-shirt you can borrow and a new toothbrush."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Expecting your date to go that well?"

Alex snorted. "Hardly. I went to the dentist last week. He gave me a new one."

After they'd both gotten done in the bathroom, they climbed into bed and lay facing each other.

"I haven't slept with another girl since college."

Alex raised her eye brows. "Really? Do tell Det. Benson."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Spring break and 6 girls on two beds and a roll-away."

"Ah. I trust my honor is safe with you?"

"No doubt."

The Next Morning

Olivia awoke to the feeling of something nestled against her crotch and feeling really good. Out of reflex she threw her arm around the body she was sure that was causing the delicious sensations and she began to group the flesh beneath her. She stopped short as soon as she realized she was holding a round mound of flesh and that there was something very stiff and pebble shaped beneath her fingers.

Both women became alert at the same time and immediately moved away from each other sputtering apologies as they went. When they finally calmed down they began to laugh at the situation.

"I'm sorry Alex I used to snuggle Kurt from behind and I haven't slept with anybody since we broke up. Purely instinct."

"It's ok Liv. I used to burrow my butt into Jamal's crotch. I haven't been with anybody since him."

"Alex, that's what, 3 years?"

"Four, but who's counting?"

They shared another laugh and hugged goodbye.

It wasn't until each woman was alone that they contemplated the feelings the encounter had stoked within them. And they both pushed the thoughts and feelings away.


	5. Chapter 5

1 Month Later

Alex and Olivia had spent increasing amounts of time together to the point of having dinner together almost every night and most weekends. They'd even had a few more platonic sleepovers since the "groping" incident as they jokingly referred to it.

Elliot, Munch and Fin had all watched as the two women had grown closer until finally one day Fin asked the question that was on everybody's mind:

"You think they hittin' the sheets?"

Elliot shook his head in uncertainty and Munch shrugged.

"To my knowledge Liv doesn't bat that way. I mean, she dated Moss, right?"

Munch looked over the top of his glasses at Elliot. "Yeah, and you didn't know she'd dated him all those months until she told you, so for all we know he was the exception, not the rule."

Elliot furrowed his brows. "Cassidy?"

"Ok, two exceptions to the rule!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Now they were having lunch together and Olivia noticed Alex seemed nervous.

"What's up Alex?"

"I'm going away this weekend to my family's cabin in upstate. I haven't been outside the city, alone since I got back."

Olivia was surprised. "You live alone."

"In a secure building with a doorman. Before that I lived with Robert in the same sort of set-up." She shrugged. "Just feeling uneasy is all."

Olivia cocked her head and leaned across the table, forcing Alex to look at her.

"Do you want to be alone this weekend? Is that why you're going?"

Alex shook her head. "It's just that since I've been back with SVU I feel like I'm living again and I want to confront some of my fears, demons. And this is one of them. I used to love to go up there and now…I just need to get passed this."

Olivia put her fork down. "Would you like company Alex?"

Relief washed over the blonde's face.

"You don't mind? You don't have plans?"

Olivia laughed. "Alex, for the last two months all my plans have included you! No, I don't have any plans!"

Alex smiled. "If you're sure?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Friday Afternoon

"Hey Liv, Kath and I are having a cookout this weekend and that physical therapist she's been trying to hook you up with is going to be there. Can you make it?"

"Oh wow Elliot. I have plans this weekend. Sorry."

He looked skeptical. "All weekend?"

"Yes, all weekend. I'm going to be out of town."

He leaned into her personal space. "Hot date?"

She snorted. "Hardly. Alex and I are going to her family's cabin in upstate."

Three sets of eyes exchanged glances.

"Like I said, hot date?"

Olivia shook her head. "What?"

Elliot motioned for her to follow him into an interrogation room. He shut the door and got right to the point.

"Liv, you know there's nothing you can't tell me, right?"

Genuinely confused she leaned in. "Like what?"

Elliot made a gesture with his hands. "Like maybe you and Alex are more than just friends? I mean, it's ok Liv. I've grown a lot over the last few years. I can handle it. You two have been spending a lot of time together. A lot."

Olivia threw her hands up and shot him a pissed off look.

"There is nothing going on between Alex and I except for friendship. And even if there was something, it's none of your business."

He didn't look convinced. "Ok. If you say so."

"I do say so!"

She stormed out of the room and scooped up her jacket before tearing out of the station.

Elliot watched her go and mumbled, "Oh boy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex had picked Olivia up after work and they had driven in silence until they got out of the city. Alex, unable to take it any more and afraid Olivia was having second thoughts about the trip pulled the car over.

"What are you doing?"

"Talk to me. You've been quiet ever since I picked you up. If you aren't into going with me, please, let me know and I can take you back to the city."

"Elliot thinks we're sleeping together."

"What!?"

"You heard me."

"Why would he think that?"

"Because we've been spending a lot of time together."

Alex frowned. "Munch spends a lot of time with those UFO nuts, it doesn't make him a nut!" Olivia looked at her with disbelief. "Ok, bad example, but….does anybody else think this?"

Olivia looked at her. "I don't know. Does it matter?"

Alex pulled back out into traffic. "Not to me. What people think of me is so far down on my list of concerns, it doesn't even rate. What about you?"

"Nope."

Having settled the issue, the rest of the ride was comfortably quiet.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They'd stopped and gotten groceries for the weekend and then spent the rest of the night cooking and talking about their week and laughing at the notion of them sleeping together.

They were both sitting curled on the couch, each with a glass of wine in hand, reading a book. Olivia glanced over the top of her book and saw that Alex was struggling to stay awake. She smiled and nudged her friend with her foot.

"What?" Alex was slightly disheveled. She wiped at her eyes and yawned, causing her shirt to ride up her stomach. Olivia noticed the woman's skin was smooth and creamy looking.

"You were dozing. Why don't you turn in?"

Alex sighed. "It was a rough week. I had these two detectives who kept me on my toes all week." Smiling at Olivia she said goodnight and went to get ready for bed.

Olivia was awakened by the sounds of moans coming from down the hall. She sat up and listened and then grabbed her gun and made her way down the hall to Alex's room. She stood and listened for a second and once she realized there wasn't anybody in the room, she tiptoed in and gently shook Alex.

The blonde awoke with a start. She was sweaty and flushed and her breathing was labored.

"Liv?" She looked around wildly and then scooted away from her friend.

"What is it Alex?"

The blonde shook her head and turned on the light. "Very bad dream about…." She looked at Olivia and didn't need to say any more.

Olivia brushed the blonde's hair off of her face. "Does that happen a lot?"

Alex looked down. "Not a lot now, but ever since I came back to SVU they've returned."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. My therapist thinks it's good that I'm confronting things. Finally."

"Finally?"

Alex looked sheepish. "It's only been in the last year that I started seeing somebody. You know, after I woke up from my pod like state." She smiled.

"Are you going to be ok?"

Alex nodded. "I usually stay up for the rest of the night when I have these dreams. It's ok; I'm used to it."

Olivia looked uncertain. "Would it…would it help if I slept in here with you?"

"We came up here to relax, not babysit me."

Olivia brushed her off. "Non-sense. I won't sleep knowing you aren't sleeping."

She turned off the lamp and crawled into bed with Alex. Before she could chicken out she spooned the younger woman from behind.

"It's ok Alex, you're safe."

Alex relaxed into Olivia's embrace and began to giggle.

"What?"

"Technically Elliot is right; we're sleeping together."


	6. Chapter 6

Alex came slowly awake and tensed as she realized an arm was wrapped around her. Her first thought was that it was Robert and she began to squirm against the pressure of the arm.

Olivia, who'd been awake for a while and simply holding Alex began to call her name, finally getting her attention.

"What's wrong?"

Alex collapsed against her. "I thought you were Robert." She shivered as she said his name.

Olivia tried to lighten the mood by joking, "Glad to see I have such manly arms!"

Alex laughed and then they got up and started getting ready for the day. Olivia was surprised when the blond wanted to go on a hike.

"What do you think I wanted to come up here for?"

Olivia shrugged. "You don't exactly exude hiker girl vibes Alex."

Alex put her hands on her hips and scowled at Olivia.

"I'll have you know I used to climb and hike up here all the time before I got shot."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex was lying sprawled on the couch reading a magazine as Olivia flitted about the kitchen cooking their dinner. After a frosty start to the hike, the day had gotten better as they cleared the top of the hill and found wildflowers.

Olivia had watched as Alex transformed into a little girl and ran around scooping up bunches of the flowers, making a bouquet she insisted on bringing back with them. She'd thought it was sweet and endearing and had indulged her friend.

Olivia was currently fussing with the vase the flowers were sitting in and stealing glances at Alex.

"What are you reading?"

"Popular Mechanics."

"Popular Mechanics? Why are you reading that?"

"There's an article about cyber security."

"Ah. Dinner's ready."

They ate and talked casually and then watched a movie. When it was time to turn in, Alex was surprised when she came out of the bathroom and found Olivia in her bed.

"Liv?"

"Figured I'd save us both the hassle. Come on, get in."

Alex hesitated before finally slipping into bed with Olivia. They lay facing each other and Alex sighed.

"Thank you for coming up here with me and for not laughing at me for picking wildflowers."

"It's ok. We all need to be little kids again sometimes."

"In that case, this is like having a sleep over, don't you agree?"

Olivia's eyes were downcast. "I…I wouldn't know. With my mother's drinking none of my friend's parents would allow them to come home with me, much less spend the night."

Alex placed her hand on Olivia's arm.

"I'm sorry." She then giggled. "When we get back to the city I'm having you over for a sleep over. Complete with S'mores."

Olivia laughed. "And ghost stories?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

1 Week Later

They were knee deep in the Birdie Sulloway case and Olivia found herself thinking about Alex and how it looked like she was going to have to cancel dinner. The second time that week.

She moved away from Elliot and pulled out her cell phone to call the blonde. She was just finishing up the call when she turned and saw Elliot watching her. His raised eye brow told her he'd overheard her conversation. She ignored him and pushed past him on her way to question Birdie.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After a weird turn of events, they were all standing in the bullpen after having arrested Birdie's "nephew" for murder. Fin asked if anybody wanted to grab a drink and Munch and Elliot agreed. They all turned their attention to Alex and Olivia who quickly exchanged a look.

"I have dinner plans."

Alex quickly looked at Olivia and then back at the group. "So do I."

Both women hurried out of the building.

"I'm tellin' ya, there is somethin' going on between those two." Fin looked at Elliot.

Elliot sighed. "Not according to Liv, but then they probably don't realize it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Friday Night

Alex hurried about her apartment getting everything ready for their sleep over. They'd decided at dinner the previous night that they would finally have their sleep over. Alex wasn't exactly sure why she was both excited and nervous at the thought of making S'mores with Olivia, but she was.

She'd even made a pallet on the floor like when she was a little girl. She'd bought junk food and rented a few cheesy movies for them to watch. She'd even ordered pizza.

Olivia stepped into the elevator, overnight bag and bottle of wine firmly in hand and pushed the button for Alex's floor. This was the first time she'd be spending the night with Alex that was planned, and for some reason that made her nervous.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Several hours later

The bottle of wine Olivia had brought was nearly empty and both women were rolling around on the floor drunk and giggling, junk food wrappers strewn about the apartment floor. Olivia grabbed a fresh S'more Alex had made in the microwave and tore into it, leaving a trail of marshmallow and chocolate on her face.

They were both sitting up and Alex was laughing at the mess on Olivia's face.

"Your face is a mess! You have chocolate and marshmallow smeared on the corner of your mouth!"

Olivia, buzzed from all the wine, looked at Alex and smirked.

"You could always clean it off."

Alex, equally as buzzed, met the challenge and leaned into Olivia. She raised her hand to thumb the offending items off her face and then thought better of it. She leaned in and licked the chocolate at the corner of Olivia's mouth and then pulled back slightly. Her eyes flitted between Olivia's eyes and her lips. Before she could stop herself, she leaned in and began kissing the brunette.

Olivia kissed her back.


	7. Chapter 7

**once again, this story was originally written and posted well over 3 years ago, so making plotline suggestions is moot.**

Alex could feel hear heart beat triple and there was a pounding in her ears. The sensation of Olivia's lips on her own was new and different and good. It felt right. When Olivia slightly opened her mouth, Alex darted her tongue inside and soon they were dueling with each other and then Olivia was moaning.

They broke apart, trying to catch their breath and then Alex leaned back in and took Olivia's face in her hands and started kissing her again. She gently nudged Olivia who easily fell back and didn't protest as Alex moved on top of her.

Alex soon had her hand up in under Olivia's shirt, stroking her bare breast and playing with the hardened nipple. Growing tired of Olivia's mouth, she quickly slid the brunette's t-shirt up and over her head, leaving her naked from the waist up. She briefly sought out Olivia's eyes and finding nothing but desire and need in them; she lowered her mouth to one breast and began loving it.

Olivia was moaning outright now and holding Alex's head to her and bucking her hips. The blonde took the hint and slid a hand down into Olivia's boxer shorts. For a fleeting moment she wondered at the amount of wetness she found there, but didn't ponder too long as Olivia was now desperately moving against her.

She finally slipped a single finger into Olivia and was shocked at how tight the brunette's inner walls gripped her. She could hear the squishy sounds Olivia was making as she slid in and out of her and watched as the brunette thrashed her head back and forth, eyes unfocused and guttural sounds coming from her.

Before she could decide against it, Alex withdrew her hand, causing Olivia took look at her as though she were in great pain.

"Shh."

She grabbed the waistband of Olivia's boxers and panties and pulled them down and off. She moved down the brunette and gently spread her legs. She was hit by the smell of Olivia's desire and inhaled deeply, feeling at home for the first time in a long time. She sank her tongue into the detective, bringing her hips off the floor with a loud scream.

She held Olivia's hips and began to explore the various textures and tastes of another woman. She allowed the juices flowing from Olivia to go down her throat and focused her attention on bringing the woman beneath her to orgasm.

Olivia reached down and held Alex to her and with one last lick, she was soaring and having the most powerful orgasm in her life.

Alex sat back in shock at what had just happened and Olivia was dazed as well. Unsure of what to do, Alex handed Olivia her boxers and panties and turned her head while the brunette shimmied back into them.

Olivia, equally as shocked as Alex, sat in stunned silence as she contemplated what had just happened. She began to feel the walls closing in and stood up, grabbing her clothes. She quickly dressed and fumbled a good bye to Alex and bolted from the apartment.

Alex continued sitting on the floor long after Olivia had gone and held her hand to her nose, smelling Olivia on them. She finally made her way into the shower and washed her self clean, all the while thinking about Olivia splayed beneath her, moaning and moving because of something she had done. As the water cooled and she got out of the tub, she couldn't help but smile.

As she thought back on every moment of their encounter, she couldn't help but think about how right it had felt to her. How having her tongue buried deep within Olivia seemed to be the only place it should have ever been. As she lay in bed thinking about the encounter, she became aroused and soon was pleasuring herself.

Afterwards she could only think about and hope that Olivia felt as she did.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was sitting in her shower, the water long since run cold, thinking about what had happened earlier. She couldn't deny that Alex had given her a powerful orgasm, but then she hadn't been laid in over a year, so that had to be part of it. Right?

She'd never had a lesbian experience before, had never even considered it, not even in college and yet she'd spread her legs quicker than a hooker on Saturday night. She suddenly felt ashamed of her actions and chastised herself for once again sleeping with a co-worker.

Realizing her thought process wasn't getting her anywhere; she trudged to bed and collapsed, drained from both the emotional and physical release from earlier. She dreamed all night long about her and Alex and doing things with and to Alex and having things done to her.

She finally awake trying to ride her mattress to completion. Feeling like a loser she flopped back on the bed and sighed in frustration. She finally admitted to herself that she had really enjoyed what Alex had done to her and that she would really like to do those things to Alex. And that scared her to death.

She decided that as good as it was, it just couldn't happen again. She didn't need an emotional entanglement again. And especially not with Alex. There was no guarantee how long the blond would stick around this time. She decided she would call Alex later in the day and they'd talk about it and get past it and life would move on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex opened her door to find Olivia standing there looking uncomfortable. She smiled at her and waved her in. Olivia moved into the hallway, but no further, unsure Alex would want her to stay after she said what she had to say.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

Olivia shook her head. "I think we had enough last night."

"Yes, I suppose we did." She motioned toward the couch and frowned when Olivia didn't move to sit down. "Olivia?"

"Alex, about last night, look we were drunk and it happened but I don't think it should happen again, ok?"

Alex felt as though she'd been sucker punched and sat down on the couch.

"Oh." She looked at Olivia. "Why not?"

Olivia looked confused. "Why not? Gee, I don't know, maybe because we aren't lesbians? Or at least I'm not." She furrowed her brow and looked at Alex closely. "Are…are you? Is that why we've been spending so much time together? So you could get me in bed?"

Alex stood up. "No! Before last night I'd never even entertained the notion of being with a woman."

The way her voice trailed off gave Olivia pause.

"And now?"

Alex felt herself blush.

"All I know Olivia is that making love to you seemed so natural to me. So right. Far more so than any of my other encounters with men. I felt like I was at home." She swallowed hard. "I don't know if it was just you or the fact that you are a woman or both or what, I just know that I would very much like for it to happen again."

Olivia shook her head. "I'm sorry Alex, but I just can't. It can't happen again."

Alex finally nodded and stood up. She went and opened the door.

"Then I need some space Olivia, ok? I…I am going to explore this side of myself and being around you will only make it more difficult. I'm not sure what any of this means, so I don't need to be confused any more than necessary."

"Does this mean…."

"We'll still be friends Olivia, just not right now, ok? Just give me some space to figure everything out."

"I'm sorry Alex."

Alex shut the door and leaned against it, refusing to cry. On the other side Olivia felt bereft and wasn't sure why.


	8. Chapter 8

2 Weeks Later

Alex had spent the last two weeks trying to figure everything out. She'd spent the first week hoping that Olivia would show up on her doorstep with a change of heart and that they'd make mad passionate love all night and into the next day. As the week wore on and her doorstep remained empty, she slowly began to visualize a lifestyle that didn't include Olivia in that capacity.

She'd spent most of the second week doing research on lesbian bars and night clubs in Manhattan as well as checking out the scene at the Gay and Lesbian Center . She was more than confused and that's what had led her to calling Serena Southerlyn. They were acquainted when she was with the D. A.'s office, but Alex hadn't seen her in the three years she'd been back.

So that's how she ended up in an out of the way café having a late lunch with the other blonde.

"So Alex, why made you pick up the phone and call me after all these years?"

Alex had rehearsed how she was going to tell the other woman about her recent adventures, but it all went out the window and she ended up blurting everything out.

"I sort of had sex with a woman. I mean, she had sex that I gave her but I didn't get touched or anything. I mean, we kissed and then it was happening and now everything's all messed up."

Serena smiled at her.

"This wasn't by any chance Olivia Benson was it?"

Alex didn't need to answer, her head shot up and her face turned red.

"So that's a yes. Let me guess, it was your first time?"

Alex managed to nod. "And hers."

Serena's face registered surprise and Alex caught it.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just find it hard to believe the good detective has never taken part in the Sapphic arts."

"Why? And did you ever think that about me?"

Alex was suddenly mortified. She hadn't considered what being a lesbian might mean to her professionally or otherwise.

Now it was Serena who was surprised. "Oh God Alex, you really don't have a clue do you? The rumor mill about the two of you was rampant just before you got shot and from what I hear ever since you've been back with SVU, you two are inseparable. As for Olivia, I've always gotten a vibe from her. And to a lesser degree from you."

Alex digested that and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Tell me what happened Alex."

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia had been bitchy and then sullen the last two weeks and all of the guys correlated that to the noticeable absence of Alex Cabot. She'd taken Munch's head off earlier in the day and one look from her had stopped Fin from asking what was wrong.

They'd drawn straws to see who would be talking to Olivia and Elliot had gotten the short end.

"Hey Liv, let's go grab some lunch."

"No thanks Elliot."

He walked over to her desk and leaned into her. "That's not exactly a request Liv."

She glared at him but seeing that he wasn't going to budge, she reluctantly grabbed her coat and followed him out the door.

Once they were in the car he didn't waste any time getting to the point.

"Liv, you know that me and the guys will love and respect you and support you no matter what, right?"

"What?"

He adjusted his collar.

"Uh Liv, look, we've all noticed that you and Cabot have been pretty close these last few months and we've also noticed she hasn't been around at all the last two weeks and well, you've been kinda…bitchy."

Olivia was indignant. "Bitchy? I've been bitchy? Oh that's rich coming from the poster boy for anger and pettiness!"

"Hey! I'm not petty. Angry, yes, petty, no. Now, about you and Cabot…."

"Just what do you think is going on between me and Alex?"

He smiled. "I never said I thought something was going on between you two, but since you brought it up, I think you should know the going rumor is that you guys are hitting the sheets."

Defeated and really needing to talk to somebody she finally answered him.

"We aren't hitting the sheets Elliot." The way she said it invited him to ask questions.

"But you were?"

Frustrated she shook her head. "Not…no, not exactly. I mean, I was spending the night two Friday's ago and we got drunk and then I made some comment about cleaning chocolate off my face and she was kissing me and then I was naked and…you know."

"She force you?"

"What? NO!"

"So what happened? Wasn't it any good?"

Olivia's face burned.

"Oh it was good alright. Great even."

"But?"

She licked her lips and looked away.

"I freaked out and bolted."

"You made love to her and then bolted? That's cold Liv."

Olivia turned and faced him, anger etched on her face.

"I didn't make love to her! She did those things to me and it freaked me out. I've never had sex with another woman. Never even thought about it!" She quieted down and whispered, "Neither had she. And I'm not a lesbian."

Elliot pulled the car in front of a café and turned off the engine.

"Oh boy."

XXXXXXXXXX

"What can I do for you Alex? How can I help you?"

"Uh, well, I'd like to go to a lesbian bar, but I don't have a clue where to start."

"Done. We can go tonight. Do you have any idea what kind of woman you might like? Butch, femm, lipstick, sporty?"

"Olivia?"

Serena gave her a gentle smile. "Just give her some time Alex. If she's never really been with a woman, she's probably confused. And if she didn't go down on you, well, she has no clue what she's missing."

Alex had her back to the door and didn't see when Elliot and Olivia entered the small café. Serena had seen them enter and quickly leaned across the table to Alex.

"Trust me?"

"What?" Alex was confused and even more so as Serena grabbed her hand and held it as a lover would. She started to pull back but Serena's eyes alerted her to look in the direction of the door.

"Just follow my lead Alex, ok?"

"But she'll think we're together and then she'll never…."

"Didn't you ever play hard to get Alex?"

Elliot had seen the two before Olivia and inwardly groaned. He tried to block Olivia's view and suggest they go elsewhere, but he was too late and Olivia's eyes burned with fire.

Serena quickly paid their bill and took Alex's hand, leading her right by Olivia and Elliot. She smiled and offered a hello to each of them as she pulled Alex right by them.

"What the Hell?"

Elliot had a pretty good idea what was going on, but kept it to himself. In the brief encounter he'd just witnessed, Olivia had shown more emotion than at any other time he'd known her.

"Looks like she's doing that exploring Liv. Let's eat."


	9. Chapter 9

Alex stood in front of her mirror looking at the latest outfit she'd tried on. She was currently wearing a pair of form fitting jeans and a designer t-shirt. Her hair was down and she was wearing her black frames. She was about to change again when her doorbell rang.

"Serena, come in. I was just about to change."

Serena took her in and smiled. "Why? You look fantastic."

Alex stopped moving and looked at her. "I do?" Serena nodded. "I wasn't sure what to wear. You know?"

Serena placed a reassuring hand on her arm. "Yes, I do know. Alex, going out to a bar for women isn't much different than going out to a mixed bar. The objective at both is to have fun and hopefully meet somebody hot. You need to accentuate your assets at both places."

Looking relieved, Alex smiled and nodded.

"Let's go."

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was sitting in her car down the street from Alex's apartment. She'd thought about what Elliot had said all day and seeing Alex with Serena Southerlyn, a known lesbian, had bothered her. She wasn't sure why, but she wanted to talk to Alex. Actually, if she was honest with herself, she needed to talk to Alex. She missed the blond.

She hadn't noticed Serena enter the apartment but she certainly saw her as she left with Alex in tow. Olivia sat up straighter in her seat and watched as Serena opened the car door for Alex. And she pursed her lips in anger as Alex smiled at the other woman.

Before she knew what was happening, she was putting the car in drive and following them. They drove through the city for a while before they came to a stop in front of a beautiful building near the Hudson . The place even offered valet parking.

Olivia watched as they disappeared inside and then pulled up to one of the valet's.

"What kind of club is this?"

The valet, a young kid, bent down and asked, "Who wants to know?"

Olivia whipped out her badge. "That answer your question?"

"Look, we don't want any trouble here, ok? This a very exclusive, discreet club for ladies." The way he accentuated the word 'ladies' told Olivia all she needed to know.

"How exclusive?"

He shrugged. "We don't cater to blue collar women or diesel dykes. All the women that go in look like women to some degree. Nothing too butch. Is there a problem?"

Olivia shook her head, thanked him and drove home angrier than she could remember being in some time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Serena almost laughed at Alex. The younger woman was clearly uncomfortable. She was fidgety and constantly looking around.

"Relax Alex. Nobody in here will bite you…unless you want them to."

Alex whipped her head around and almost dropped her drink. Seeing the amusement on Serena's face she scowled at her.

"That's not funny. I'm out of my element here."

Serena looked around and then back at Alex.

"Alex, there have been several eyes on you since you stepped foot inside. Just relax, ok? And look around, see if anybody catches your eye."

Alex did as told and found several women smile at her. One even started toward her, but stopped when she saw Serena. The other blond nodded, patted Alex's hand and went off to chat up a red head in the corner.

"Hi, I'm Susan. This must be your first time here."

Alex managed a smile. "I'm Alex. Why do you say that?"

"You have that lost and scared look. You know, a deer in the headlights thing?"

"I suppose I do. I'm…."

"New to this?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah."

"So…going out on a limb here, I'm betting you've never been with a woman?"

Ordinarily Alex would have found that question rude and offensive, but under the circumstances she was oddly relieved.

"Sort of."

"Ah. I'm going to let that one go. Would you like to dance?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Next Day

Olivia was late coming in to work and slightly hung-over. She was in a bear of a mood and not at all ready for the loud click-clack of heels that signaled Alex was coming. The blonde had avoided the bullpen for as long as possible and now everyone watched to see how Olivia would react.

Alex walked right up next to her at the coffee station and out of habit held her mug out for Olivia to pour her a cup. And out of habit Olivia did just that without thinking.

"Thank you Olivia." The blond then turned away from the brunette and walked into Cragen's office.

Olivia, having realized what she'd done scowled at Alex as she retreated.

The blond hadn't taken too long in Cragen's office and came out to brief them on their latest case. She settled on the edge of Fin's desk instead of Olivia's, but seemed unaware. She was noticeably happy and was smiling more than usual. All of which Olivia noticed.

"I'm in court for a motion hearing just before lunch so I'm unavailable, but call me if you need anything. I have lunch plans and won't be in my office."

Olivia's eyes turned hard and she stormed into the interrogation room. She was in there pacing when Elliot caught up with her.

"Can you believe she's going to lunch with Serena?"

"I didn't hear her say she was going with Serena."

She looked put out by his comment. "Oh please! The woman is a lesbian!"

"So that means she's going out with Serena? Just because she's a lesbian, which I might like to remind you, you have already told Alex you are not." He shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

"Serena's a lesbian!"

"And you're not."

"I can't believe she's just moving on like this!"

"Liv, what do you expect her to do? You've stated you aren't a lesbian and have no desire to even try it. Alex has said she wants to explore this side of herself, which she's obviously doing. Can't have it both ways."

Defeated, Olivia slumped into one of the chairs.

"You're right, I can't."

Elliot, thinking he'd won, asked, "So what are you going to do?"

Olivia stood up.

"Nothing."


	10. Chapter 10

Doing nothing had worked for Olivia for exactly two days. Two very long days in which she found herself obsessing over Alex and what she might be doing and who she might be doing it with.

Frustrated, she'd swung by Chauncey's and had two beers after work and then she'd driven over to Alex's and was currently sitting down the street in her car after some snooping around had revealed the blonde wasn't home.

She was trying to figure out what to do when she saw Alex's car zip by and then stop in front of the building. Alex, and then another woman who had dark hair, got out of the car and disappeared inside the building. She watched as the valet took Alex's car and disappeared into the parking garage.

Olivia got out of her car and walked down to the front of the building where she stood and waited until the valet came back.

"Excuse me, do you know who that was with Miss Cabot?"

The valet looked at her and shook his head. "Can't give out that information." He tried to move around Olivia who stopped him.

She flashed her shield. "Now can you tell me?"

He looked skeptical. "Something wrong?"

Olivia shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Police business. I can't say."

The valet weighed his options and deciding he didn't want any trouble, he finally answered.

"Not sure. This is the third time in the last week they've come in together. She stays a couple of hours and then leaves. Miss Cabot always calls down and has us get her a cab."

Olivia nodded slowly, contemplating what it could all mean.

"I need to get up there. Can you open the door?"

He nodded and then spoke to the doorman who opened the door for her and nodded as she walked through. She took the elevator and thought about what she was going to do or say that wouldn't get her into trouble either professionally or personally.

As she approached the door she heard laughter. Alex's laughter. And then she heard another voice and it started to laugh as well. And then it was suddenly quiet and she pressed her ear to the door and thought she heard the sounds of kissing, followed by the distinct sound of clothes being rustled.

As soon as Olivia heard Alex gasp, she began pounding on the door.

"Alex, open up!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Susan had gone to dinner for the third time in a week. They also chatted on the phone and while Alex thought she was a very nice woman, she had yet to really connect with her. The little voice in her mind kept telling her that was because she wasn't Olivia.

Alex however was determined to put the brunette behind her and explore this new possibility for her life. Which is why she was currently on her couch making out with the woman.

It was their first kiss and Alex couldn't help but compare it to Olivia and found it wildly lacking. Kissing Olivia had been electric, so to speak, and thrilling and warm and inviting; kissing Susan was just shy of kissing a cold fish. She tried to get into it by moaning and allowing the brunette to grope her. She had to work hard at not flinching when Susan cupped her breast.

Susan had just moved closer and began rubbing her arm as she heard a pounding on the door. It took a minute for everything to register and then she was simultaneously relieved and pissed that Olivia was banging on her door.

Susan pulled back. "Who is that?"

"Uh, a co-worker." Alex, unsure of what to do continued sitting on the couch.

Outside Olivia once again banged on the door and repeated her desire to have Alex open the door.

"Sounds like an angry ex to me. I'll take care of it."

Alex scrambled off the couch and was trying to stop Susan from opening the door without much luck.

Olivia almost fell inside as the door was yanked open, but righted herself in time to come face-to-face with Susan.

"Who are you?"

"Who are you and why are you here?"

Olivia, unaccustomed to being ignored, whipped her badge out. "Det. Olivia Benson, NYPD. I'm going to ask you once more, who are you?"

The fact that Olivia was a cop took Susan by surprise and she rethought her approach, not wanting any trouble with the law.

"Susan and I was just leaving." She glanced back at Alex and called out, "I'll call you!"

Alex was pissed and tore into Olivia.

"Just what do you think you are doing?"

Olivia was standing right in front of her. "Have you slept with her?"

"What? Olivia that is none of your business, now I'd like for you to leave!"

Olivia moved closer. "Have you slept with her?"

Alex tried to back up but bumped into the wall. "What does it matter to you? You've already made your feelings on the subject clear."

Olivia felt her heart rate double and suddenly everything was clear. She leaned into Alex and took the blonde's face in her hands.

"Because."

And then she pressed her lips to Alex's and tried to gain leverage on her but the blonde broke away.

"Please stop. You've been drinking." She walked away from Olivia and called out, "Please lock the door when you leave."

Alex was half way down the hall to her bedroom when Olivia grabbed her from behind and spun her around.

"Olivia…"

Her words were cut off by Olivia's mouth which was currently kissing her. She'd been rough at first, but the longer she kissed Alex, the more comfortable she became and soon the blonde was kissing her back.

"Bedroom Alex. Please?"

Alex, suddenly nervous, faltered.

"Alex?"

The blonde smiled at her and then kissed her. When they broke apart they was some how standing in Alex's bedroom, which surprised them both. They looked at each other and giggled.

"So…." Olivia reached for the button of Alex's shirt and the blonde flinched. "Alex?"

"Sorry. I'm nervous."

Olivia smirked. "You're nervous? I'm the one who's never done this before!"

Alex blushed. "Me neither."

"You did me!"

Alex, unable to look at Olivia, whispered, "Yes, but I've never…"

Olivia tilted her chin up. "Never what?"

Alex sort of shrugged. "Been done. I mean, I've never…I didn't sleep with Susan or anybody else and now I'm nervous."

"Talk about pressure." Now Olivia seemed to falter.

Alex took Olivia's face in her hands and kissed the woman deeply. That was all it took to get things moving and soon they were both naked and lying on Alex's bed, kissing and caressing each other.

As they both grew more comfortable, Olivia nudged at Alex until the blonde was on her back. Olivia was on top of her kissing and touching her and slowly working her way down the blonde's body. She stopped and paid the same attention to Alex's breasts that the blonde had paid to hers.

She continued her trek south and spent ample time on Alex's stomach, having discovered she could cause the attorney to make the most delicious sounds. When she got where Alex wanted her most, she gently pushed the blonde's legs further apart and inhaled. Something about the smell sent a shiver through her and all she wanted to do was taste the woman before her.

She began to feast on Alex and was surprised to find that she loved the taste and feel of Alex, and she particularly loved the noises she was able to illicit from Alex. The sounds coming from the blond were a turn-on in a way that giving a blow job to a man had never been. And she'd been able to draw some pretty fierce noises from a man.

She was so lost in the sensation of giving Alex pleasure that when the blonde bolted upright and grabbed her ears, she was shocked.

"Oh God! Liv, stop, I can't take anymore." She released Olivia's ears and fell back onto the bed.

Olivia moved up beside her and touched her face.

"Are you ok?"

"I've never…it's never been that way for me. Ever."

Olivia leaned over and kissed her. "And I've never enjoyed sex that much before either."

Alex yawned, her body crashing after such a powerful release. "Will you stay?"

Olivia smiled. "Yes. I promise I'll be here in the morning."


	11. Chapter 11

Alex and Olivia awoke at the same time and each scurried to her side of the bed, unaccustomed to waking up with someone. They looked at each other at the same time and giggled.

"This is, uh, awkward?"

Olivia looked at Alex and smiled. "Yeah, just a little."

The silence stretched as each woman lay on her back, starring at the ceiling, wondering what the other was thinking. Olivia had the sheet pulled up in under her chin and Alex was similarly hidden; only she had a death grip on the sheet.

Alex looked at the alarm clock and sighed. "It's almost 6. Do you want to shower here or…?"

Olivia rolled onto her side. "Or do what we did last night again?"

Alex looked shocked as she turned to face Olivia. "You want to?"

"Do you?" Olivia was suddenly nervous; afraid maybe she hadn't been quite as good as she thought she had been.

"…Yes, I think I would like to. I was pretty buzzed that first time and you caught me by surprise last night, which was fabulous by the way, but you know…."

"Yeah, I do know."

She leaned over and lightly touched her lips to Alex's and then harder. She tried to ease the blond onto her back, but Alex resisted and it was Olivia who ended up on her back with Alex on top of her.

"My turn."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

After a quick shower together, Olivia had headed on into the station, hoping to get there and change into her spare set of clothes before anyone else arrived. She almost got her wish. Elliot bumped into her as she was going down the steps from the crib and he was going up them.

"Spill coffee on yourself already?"

"Huh?"

"You're wearing your spare clothes. So, either you spilt coffee on yourself or you stayed here last night after tying one on."

Before she could stop herself she replied, "Neither actually." Realizing what she'd said she tried to hurry on past Elliot.

"Hold on. If it's not either one of those, then that means you didn't stay at home last night, which means…"

They were interrupted by the distinct sound of heels on tile and the appearance of Alex Cabot. Olivia froze and Elliot grinned as the blond turned and saw them on the stairs. Her red face gave her away.

"Detectives." She was holding something in her hands and looked down at it, trying to figure out what to do with it. "Olivia, could I see you for a moment?"

Olivia nodded and then descended the stairs. She led Alex into an interrogation room and the blond handed her what she'd been holding.

"I found this after you left."

"My t-shirt. I didn't even notice I wasn't wearing it this morning."

"Really detective? Any reason why?"

Olivia smiled. "I must have been distracted."

"So…do you have any plans this evening Detective Benson?"

Olivia smiled. "It's Friday night and I usually spend it with this blond I know. Why?"

"I was thinking about having a sleepover. The last one I had ended rather abruptly."

Olivia moved closer to Alex and considered kissing her, but stopped herself, afraid someone might come in. She opted for briefly touching Alex's hand and nodding.

By some unspoken word, they each left the interrogation room with neutral looks on their faces and walking far apart. As they emerged, Elliot, Munch and Fin were each watching them from their desks. Alex gave a little wave and hurried on out of the bullpen.

Olivia ignored the stares she was getting until Munch walked over to her desk and cleared his throat, ready to speak. Olivia beat him to the punch.

"It's none of your business guys. If and when there is something to tell, I promise you'll be the first to know."

She returned her focus to her work until the end of the day. As soon as 5 o'clock rolled around, she bolted out of the building and hurried home to get ready for Alex's.

Across Town

Alex had also hurried home and freshened up a bit, eagerly awaiting Olivia's arrival. A quick check of the fridge told her she desperately needed groceries. She dialed the delivery service her building offered and put in an order for cold cuts, fruits and lots of chocolate.

She then went about changing the sheets in the bedroom and putting out fresh towels in the bathroom. After glancing at the clock, she realized she had just enough time to do a little internet research on lesbian sex.

By the time her intercom buzzed, she was more than ready to greet Olivia. At least she thought she was.

Olivia made her way upstairs using the elevator and now stood in front of Alex's door, shifting from foot to foot. She finally rang the buzzer out of formality as Alex already knew she was coming.

The blond opened the door and shyly waved Olivia in. After shutting the door they stood in the foyer, each unsure of what to do in this unfamiliar territory. They finally moved toward each other and bumped foreheads as they tried to kiss each other. Adjusting their heads they finally found each other's lips and what started as a light, chaste kiss quickly became something more.

They eventually made it to the couch and Olivia fell on top of Alex as they struggled to get undressed. After several unsuccessful tries at getting Alex's bra off, she finally allowed the blond to undo her own bra.

"Suddenly I feel really bad for all my high school boyfriends."

She leaned in and took Alex's nipple into her mouth.

Alex was working at getting Olivia's bra off and didn't have nearly as much trouble as the brunette.

"Just how many boys was there Olivia?"

While she waited for an answer she began working on the brunette's pants.

"A few. Not everybody hit a home run though."

Alex pulled Olivia's head back down and the brunette took the hint, gathering the nipple back into her mouth. Alex hadn't been idle while Olivia spoke and she now had the brunette's pants undone.

As Alex slipped a finger inside Olivia, the brunette moaned and shifted so the blond could go deeper. Alex smiled at being able to make the brunette moan and kissed her.

Soon they were making love, and holding each other, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Alex?"

"Hmmm?"

"You said it'd never been this way for you before?"

"No, it hasn't." Alex hesitated. "What about you?"

Olivia considered her past lovers. "No, me neither. Why do you think it's that way?"

"I don't know and right now I don't care. I'm satisfied and hungry. Let's eat."


	12. Chapter 12

6 Weeks later

Alex was standing at the stove stirring the post of sauce when her buzzer rang. She glanced at the clock and knew it would be Olivia. She smiled, wiped her hands and went to the door. She opened it to find Olivia standing with a large bouquet of flowers in her hands and a shy smile.

"Flashed your badge again, huh?"

Olivia handed Alex the flowers and stepped inside. "I wanted to surprise you." She helped Alex put the flowers in the vase and then tentatively they kissed.

Alex pulled back just as it was getting a little more intense. "I worked hard on this sauce Olivia and we are going to eat first!"

"So we can get to desert faster?"

"Yep."

Olivia reached inside her jack and pulled out a small tube and made a show of looking it over.

"Then I guess it's a good thing I got that stuff we talked about."

Alex dropped her spoon into the pot and hurried over to Olivia's side.

"Where did you get this?" She took the tube from Olivia and unscrewed the top, taking a sniff.

"A little shop in the Village."

"I thought we'd have to order it for sure!"

Olivia laughed. "No, all I had to do was risk my dignity by going into a seedy little sex shop on my lunch hour."

Alex looked mortified. "Was Elliot with you?"

"No. I ditched him for an hour."

"Good. Let's eat so we can…eat."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex moved back up Olivia's body having finished licking the last of the strawberry body butter from Olivia's clit. The brunette's breathing was just returning to normal as the blond languished a deep kiss on her lips before rolling off of her.

"I wonder what watermelon tastes like?"

Olivia raised her head and looked at Alex as though she were crazy.

"You can't possibly be horny again?"

Alex rolled onto her side so that they were facing each other. "No. Just curious."

Olivia laughed. "Well, you've certainly been curious these last few weeks!"

"Six weeks Liv. It's been six weeks since that night we were truly together."

"Ok, six weeks. Anyway, we've or at least I've, had more sex these last few weeks than I've had since my early twenties." She cupped Alex's breast. "And it's the best I've ever had."

Alex's skin flushed. "Really?"

Olivia nodded and began kissing Alex.

3:00 am

Alex had been watching Olivia sleep for the last hour and thinking about their last six weeks.

They now spent almost every free moment together and alternated weekends staying at the others apartment. However, they seldom went out choosing to stay in and fix dinner, watch a movie or her personal favorite, take a bubble bath together.

And by unspoken agreement, they never showed more affection in public than a light touch on the arm. Alex was aware that Elliot, Munch, Fin and Cragen all knew as did Olivia's brother, Simon and of course Serena Southerlyn, but beyond that, nobody else knew.

They hadn't actually talked about defining their involvement, something Alex thought they might want to consider doing. She eased out of bed and smiled as Olivia seemed to reach for her in her sleep before settling back down into a deep slumber.

She padded into her living room and opened her desk drawer and dug out her spare key. Nodding she placed it on the coffee table and then went back to bed, where she snuggled into Olivia and promptly fell asleep.

Alex awoke to find two brown eyes watching her. She smiled and buried her head back into her pillow. Olivia slowly ran her fingers up Alex's back and then leaned in and gently blew into her ear.

"Wake up Alex."

The blond finally rolled over and smiled up at her lover.

"Why don't you help me wake up?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia found Alex sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee.

"All clean?"

"You were there, you tell me."

Olivia poured herself a cup of coffee and joined Alex at the table. She watched as the blond turned a key over and over in her hand.

"Alex?"

The blond put the key down and slid it toward Olivia.

"This is a spare key to my apartment. I don't think you should have to flash your badge every time you come over."

Olivia looked up at Alex and then down at the key. She swallowed hard and then slowly picked the key up. She ran her thumb along the edge of the key and began chewing on her upper lip.

Alex, now nervous stood up and took her coffee cup to the sink. She startled when she felt Olivia's arms go around her waist.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"What does this mean?"

Alex turned the water off and faced Olivia.

"What do you want it to mean?"

"Don't Alex. Don't be a lawyer right now. Please."

Alex nodded. "I guess that's what we need to talk about, isn't it?"

"Yeah, we do."

Olivia tried to move toward the living room but Alex stopped her.

"I woke up in the middle of the night and thought about us, this. And Liv? I want there to be an us. A real us, not just incredible sex and bubble bath's. I want us to be affectionate with each other in public and to go out and…I want you to be my…my girlfriend."

Olivia laughed and Alex became furious. She tried to get around the brunette but Olivia held her in place and ground her pelvis into Alex's.

"Please don't do this unless…."

Olivia pulled back. "I mean it Alex. We're on the same page here."

"We are?" Olivia nodded. "Oh thank God."

Olivia abruptly pulled back and her brow furrowed.

"What Liv? What?"

Olivia shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry Alex, but I don't have my class ring or my lettermen's jacket so I can't properly ask you to go steady."

Alex playfully slapped at her and then she kissed her new girlfriend.

"Does this mean we can go back to bed and get naked?"

Alex pulled away from Olivia and again swatted at her.

"No! I meant what I said Liv, I want to go out with you, be seen with you, the whole nine yards."

Olivia sighed. "If we must. But Alex? I'm not real big into PDA, ok?"

Alex smiled at her. "We'll work on it."


	13. Chapter 13

"I don't know Alex, I just don't think you should be forced to vaccinate your child. It just seems wrong."

Alex frowned at her gorgeous yet completely frustrating girlfriend as the cab pulled up to the diner.

"Your freedom ends where my nose begins Olivia." She leaned in and rubbed noses with the brunette and then kissed her. "Not vaccinating your child is your choice until it causes my child to get sick."

Olivia shook her head. "I don't know. I wish there was a simple solution. And now two families are ruined even more with Mr. Walker's death."

Alex nodded. "There's a free table."

They made their way over to the empty table, sat down and ordered without looking at the menu.

"Would you vaccinate your child Olivia?"

Olivia's head whipped around. "What?"

"Vaccinations?"

"Yes, I would, but that doesn't mean I should be forced to." She glanced at Alex. "What about you?"

"What do you mean 'what about me?'"

"If there was a little Cabot running around, would he or she be vaccinated?"

Alex laughed. "If there was a little Cabot running around I'd shoot myself!"

Olivia's face fell. "Oh. So you don't want children?"

Alex looked constipated. "No." She considered what she'd just said. "Actually I haven't considered the possibility, but if I had to make a decision right now, the answer would be no." She looked at Olivia. "What about you?"

Olivia shrugged. "I'm getting a little old." She took great pains to stir her coffee.

Alex watched her unsure of what was going on.

"That's not an answer Liv."

Unable to look at the blond she finally answered. "I…I tried to adopt. They turned me down."

"Why? You'd make a great mother. I've seen you with child victims and you're wonderful."

Still not looking at Alex she blurted out, "I have no family, no history of a long term relationship, and my job is crazy." She shrugged. "So, they turned me down. Even to be a foster parent."

Alex took Olivia's hand. "Oh Liv. I'm sorry. I…I had no idea you wanted this."

Olivia shook her head. "Doesn't matter now Alex. It's ok."

Alex took both of Olivia's hands and pulled her close. "Yes it does Olivia. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's to not deny yourself that which you really want."

She leaned in and kissed Olivia, who reciprocated. Neither woman heard the bell on the diner door ring. As they pulled apart they smiled at each other, realizing this was their first real kiss in a public place.

Their glee was short-lived as the voices of Jack McCoy and Elizabeth Donnelly broke through their haze.

"Alex, Det. Benson."

Both women turned to face the voice of Jack McCoy. Alex's face immediately drained of color and Olivia's face blushed a deep red. They pulled back, but continued to hold hands.

Liz was the next to speak. "Alex, Olivia. It's good to see you two getting out and about."

"Liz…Jack. Uh, we uh, we were…."

Seeing Alex's distress, Olivia tried to help her out.

"Alex was just trying to comfort me." Realizing how that sounded she cringed. "I mean…"

Jack smiled at their unease. "Ladies, what you do outside of work is none of my concern. Alex, you have certainly earned the right to do whatever you please with your life."

"Uh, thank you."

They spent a few awkward moments starring at each other until Jack finally nudged Liz and they moved on to their own table. Alex watched them go with a mix of relief and amazement. She smiled and turned to face Olivia. The brunette was not smiling. She looked very worried.

"What Liv?"

"That was your boss and a judge we both have to go before Alex! Won't this cause problems?"

Alex shrugged. "Apparently not Liv. They seemed ok with it and besides, I am only temporarily assigned to SVU. Now, how about we head home and have dessert?"

For the first time Olivia considered what Alex had said and realized that the blonde's appearance in her life was only temporary. She managed to give Alex a small smile and followed her out to hail a cab.

Alex snuggled into Olivia's side, unexpectedly happy to have the blessing of her boss and former boss. She was content to sit in the back of the cab quietly and with her head on Olivia's shoulder. Olivia was watching the street pass by and lost in thoughts of heartbreak. She barely noticed as they pulled up in front of Alex's apartment, or when they finally made it to Alex's door. She was surprised when she realized they were standing in Alex's foyer.

"Liv? Are you ok?"

Olivia looked around, surprised at where she was and then finally at Alex.

"What?"

Alex laid her hand on Olivia's forehead. "Do you feel ok? You've been quiet ever since we left the diner."

Realizing what she'd said, Alex stopped and took Olivia's hands and pulled her into the living room. They ended up sitting on the couch.

"What's going on Olivia?"

"Nothing."

"Don't Olivia. Don't go all sullen detective on me. Not now."

"What are we doing?" At Alex's confused look she tried to clarify. "Us. What happens when you leave again?"

Alex shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere Olivia."

"Are you going to transfer back to SVU? And what about us? This…relationship? Alex, what are we? Are we lesbians? Are we bisexual? What? And where do we go from here?"

Alex turned her hands up and shook her head. "I don't know what we are Olivia. Is that important?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Olivia, all I know is that I enjoy being around, having you in my life. That you are the last thing I think about at night before I go to sleep, even when you are lying next to me, and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I know that you are the only person I want to share everything with." She touched Olivia's face and kissed her. "And I know that I love you Olivia."

Olivia's eyes widened and she tried to move away from Alex, who finally released her.

"Alex…this is too much. I need to go."

And with that she hurried out of the apartment, leaving a confused and exasperated Alex Cabot behind.


	14. Chapter 14

3 Days Later

Alex sighed as she hung the phone up. She'd tried calling Olivia, again, and once again she'd gotten the detective's voice mail. Olivia had managed to artfully dodge her over the last 3 days and the blond had had enough. Scooping up her keys she headed in the direction of the squad room.

Elliot, Munch and Fin all watched Olivia. The brunette had been even quieter than normal the last three days and had managed to stay away from the bullpen as much as possible, and usually if she got wind Alex was due to stop by.

Fin nudged Elliot who reluctantly nodded, knowing he needed to talk to his partner. As he was trying to figure out how to approach her, they were surprised to see Alex appear from seemingly nowhere.

She caught Elliot's eye and gave a slight shake of her head. She went to Olivia's desk and stood in front of it.

"Leave me alone Elliot."

"Elliot? Do I look that bad?"

Surprised, Olivia's head shot up and then down to Alex's bare feet. When she looked back up, Alex was holding her heels in one hand.

"That was sneaky."

"I didn't want you running off if you heard the clicking of my heels. Now, I'd like a moment of your time."

"I'm…"

"Not a request detective." Alex turned and walked toward an interrogation room.

Olivia finally got up and followed the blonde. The guys all shared a look and then went back to their respective desks.

Like a child going to see the principal, Olivia hesitated before turning the doorknob and entering the room. When she finally did she found a concerned looking Alex waiting for her.

"Alex…."

"Shut-up Olivia and just listen. I'm sorry if I caught you off guard by telling you I love you, but I do. And I get that maybe you don't share those feelings, that maybe you never will, but I can't help how I feel Olivia. Now, I don't know exactly what we are, just that we are. And I don't really see how it matters, but obviously you do. I think we are good together emotionally and definitely physically." She stopped and took a deep breath. "Olivia, I can wait for you to catch up to where I am, as long as you are willing to give this a chance?"

"I'm scared Alex."

"Of me?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. Of my feelings. What I feel for you is more powerful than anything I've ever felt for any man. It's overwhelming." She looked down at her feet. "I just…I just need time to process it, ok? I just don't want to get hurt Alex. I've had enough of that."

Alex nodded. "Ok."

She managed a smile and started for the door. Olivia stepped in front of her and pulled her into a deep kiss. Alex eventually wrapped her arms around Olivia and the brunette backed her up against the door and let her hands roam all over the blonde.

When they finally broke apart, Olivia smiled at Alex. The blonde smiled back and then leaned in and gave Olivia a sweet kiss on the lips.

"Is that how you process Liv?"

She shrugged. "More or less." She leaned in and rubbed noses with Alex. "Wanna sleep over tonight?"

"Well, it has been three days."

"See you around 7."

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex was waiting for Olivia to come out of the bathroom. They'd actually managed to have dinner before deciding to get naked. And Alex had a surprise for Olivia.

The brunette came out of the bathroom, turned the lights out and crawled into bed with Alex. They began kissing and Olivia tried to push Alex onto her back, but was stopped by the woman.

Soon Alex had Olivia naked and on her back, her hands roaming over the detective's breasts. As she neared Olivia's center, she surprised Olivia by touching her clit.

"What is that?"

Alex smiled in the dark and kissed her. "Fingertip vibe." She suckled Olivia's breast. "You like?"

"Uh…Oh, that's nice." After Alex hit a particularly sensitive spot, Olivia allowed her legs to fall open and adjusted her hips for more contact. She began rocking her hips and moaning as she wrapped her arms around Alex.

As Olivia climaxed, Alex smiled down at her.

"I love to make you come."

Breathing hard Olivia added, "I love for you to make me come."

They lay silently for a while until Olivia had caught her breath and then she was urging Alex up and over her mouth.

"Liv? What are you …."

Alex was cut off as Olivia's tongue snaked its way inside her and began to tongue fuck her. She more firmly grasped Alex's hips and began working on her clit, causing Alex to drench her face as she came.

Olivia continued to hold her until she had recovered some and then gently helped her move off her face and snuggle into her side.

"We've never done that before. I've never done that before with anybody!"

Olivia grinned. "Really? Wow!"

Alex raised her head. "You have?"

"No. But I look forward to trying it with you."

Alex yawned. "Ok, but not tonight."

"Fair enough. Besides, I want to use that fingertip vibe on you as well, ok?"


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia was in the kitchen cooking dinner when she heard the key in the lock. Wiping her hands she went to greet her lover as the blonde finally stumbled into the apartment.

"I thought you were going to get the lock fixed?"

Olivia almost laughed at her lover's contorted face, but thought better of it as she remembered the last time she'd laughed at the blonde. She didn't need the sexual cold shoulder again.

"Sorry sweetie. I'll have the super use some WD-40 on it."

"Some what?"

Olivia waved her off. "It's a type of lubricant…."

Before she could finish Alex had grabbed her and was kissing her.

"Hmmm. I like it when you say lube."

Olivia did laugh now and pulled away from Alex.

"Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you go change?"

Alex went down the hall and into Olivia's bedroom. She began stripping and hung her suit on one of the three hangers Olivia had bought especially for her. She smiled as she remembered how the brunette had been nervous as she gave the blonde an oddly shaped, wrapped gift. They were at dinner not long after Alex had told Olivia she loved her when the gift had been given.

Alex unwrapped it to find three wooden hangers covered with padded satin fabric and a note that said: "Closet of brunette detective seeks suits of blonde ADA ."

They'd made love that night slowly and reverently. Alex understood that getting space in Olivia's closet was a major step for the brunette.

She pulled her yoga pants and an old NYPD Academy t-shirt out of Olivia's dresser and slipped it on, sans bra. She went into the bathroom and removed her make-up, pulling her hair back into a ponytail and slipping her glasses on.

Olivia was just putting dinner on the table when Alex walked up behind her and hugged her. She kissed the brunette's neck and they stood silent for a few minutes, just holding onto each other.

"Dinner's going to get cold. Let's eat."

As they finished up dinner, Alex began to clear the table. Olivia watched her and knew this meant something was up with the blonde.

"What's happened?"

Alex faltered. "You know that warrant I got for Tyler Gleason?" Olivia nodded. "Well, I sort of had to agree to speak at Judge Koehler's Civic's class he's teaching tomorrow. He teaches at risk youth."

"So no trip to the Statue of Liberty?"

"Sorry."

Olivia shrugged. "We can always go next weekend. How long is this going to take?"

"Couple of hours."

"Is it ok if I go with you?"

Alex looked surprised. "You want to?"

Olivia nodded. "As long as I get to watch you in action and just be with you, I'm good."

Alex stood up and held her hand out to Olivia. "I have some action I want you to see right now detective."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia watched with pride as Alex answered questions and kept her audience engaged about Civics. The lecture had run long as the kids seemed to be really enjoying Alex. And Olivia had caught more than one of the boys and a girl or two looking at her girlfriend in a less than chaste way.

Olivia stopped her thoughts as she realized what she'd just said in her mind about Alex; she'd called the other woman her girlfriend. Awestruck, but ultimately pleased by the revelation, she smiled at Alex who raised an eyebrow at her before ending the lecture.

Afterwards, Judge Koehler walked over to Alex and Olivia. Alex was unsure of how to introduce Olivia, not because she was embarrassed, but because they still hadn't defined their relationship. As she was struggling for the right word to describe Olivia, the brunette solved the problem for her.

"Judge Koehler, I'm Det. Olivia Benson, Alex's girlfriend."

The judge seemed un-phased by the revelation while Alex was left sputtering. The judge nodded and bid them good-bye. Olivia turned to find a speechless Alex Cabot looking at her.

"What?"

"Girlfriend?"

Olivia stepped closer to her and took hold of her hands.

"Yes, Alex Cabot you are officially my girlfriend." For good measure she kissed the blonde. "And now I'd like to take my girlfriend out for an early dinner so that we might turn in early tonight; if you know what I mean."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Later that Night

Alex sighed as she snuggled more closely against Olivia's side. Her head was on the brunette's chest and her arm was wrapped around her lover.

"Satisfied?"

"Content. Safe feeling."

"Safe feeling? Don't you normally feel safe?"

"Not always. Sometimes I still…remember the fear and anxiety of my time away."

"But not right now?"

"No. You make me feel safe. This makes me feel safe; being here like this with you. This may be bad form, but Robert never made me feel safe."

Olivia simply held Alex, waiting for her lover to go on. They hadn't really discussed the entire Robert thing, and while she didn't feel threatened by the man, she was curious to know whatever Alex wanted to tell her.

"He was a mistake Olivia and one I deeply regret. I just freaked out when Velez died and Connors was extradited and I got my life back. Living like that was tough. And then Robert was there and he seemed nice enough."

"Nice? You were going to marry a man you can only muster 'nice' for?"

"Yes. At least Jim and I had chemistry."

Olivia didn't want to think about Alex with Jim Steele. Anybody the blonde would have sex with in her office was not somebody Olivia wanted to think about. And then it hit her that she was jealous of her girlfriend.

"Alex! Alex, I'm jealous of you!"

The brunette sat up in bed and turned on the bedside lamp.

"And this is good how?"

Olivia pushed her back against the mattress and kissed her.

"I've never been jealous in my life!"

Soon they were making love again and Olivia couldn't get enough of Alex. The blonde had to finally pull away from the brunette.

They slept peacefully that night, not knowing they wouldn't see sleep again for another week.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia trudged into her apartment wishing she were at Alex's, but they'd finished paperwork late and she didn't want to wake the attorney just so she could cuddle with her.

She didn't even bother to turn on a light, she just began undressing as she made her way down the hall. She was so tired she skipped her nightly routine and just crawled into bed naked. She was surprised to find a body in her bed and her first reaction was to back away.

"Liv?"

"Alex? What are you doing here?"

"I've missed you these last couple of days so I've been sleeping here."

Olivia kissed her. "Really?"

"Mmmhmmm."

Olivia snuggled her from behind.

"I love you Alex."

Alex smiled in the darkness and responded in kind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Note at the end**

Alex entered the squad room to find the atmosphere somber. She frowned, curious to know what could have happened to put such a black cloud over everybody. Even though she'd been stuck in traffic and missed court, according to Olivia the case was a slam dunk. She looked around the room and unable to find Olivia, she ventured inside and over to Munch's desk who was the least pissed looking one.

"Counselor. Glad to see you got out of traffic."

Something about his tone didn't sit well with Alex and she frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Before he could answer Elliot came storming over and informed her of Stuckey's mistake and began asking her what they could do to save the case. Alex was incensed that he could have made such a rookie mistake and joined in the venting about the cocky young tech.

The sound of Olivia's voice stopped her and she gave her lover a sympathetic smile. The brunette returned the smile and they shared a look that communicated far more than any words could.

Before anything else could happen, they got a call about another victim at Coney Island . As they left, Alex called out for Olivia to be careful and watched as her lover receded from view.

She went in to talk to Cragen and see just how badly bungled the case was and then went back to her office to try and find some loop hole or statue that would aid them in keeping the killer behind bars.

XXXXXXXXXXX

That Night

Olivia's Apartment

The brunette glanced at the clock as she stirred the pot of sauce and wondered where Alex was. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her apartment door opening. She smiled as the familiar blond head made it's way into the apartment while trying to juggle an overnight bag, briefcase, and laptop.

Olivia went to help her girlfriend and took the over night bag from her as Alex got her other items situated. The blond kicked her heels off and made her way to Olivia's bedroom where she put away her suit and changed into her comfortable clothes.

Olivia was just putting dinner on the table when Alex took a seat.

"Why were you late sweetie? Did something happen on the case?"

Alex snorted. "Hardly! Traffic going uptown was miserable and traffic coming back in this direction was even worse. I hate it when I have to go home for clean clothes. I should plan better!"

Olivia thought about what Alex had said and an idea began to form in her mind. She spent the rest of the night watching Alex and thinking about her idea. She was so lost thinking about it, that she was startled when the blond wrapped her arms around her neck and nibbled on her ear.

"Liv? Where are you tonight?"

The brunette smiled up at her and pulled the blond around and onto her lap.

"I was just thinking about how one of us is always shuffling from one apartment to the next, costing us valuable time with each other." She kissed Alex. "And how we could make that easier on us."

Alex rested her forehead on Olivia's. "And?"

"We could…maybe we should…move in together."

Alex pulled back and looked down at Olivia. "I'm…speechless Liv. This is…this is a big step. Are you sure?"

Olivia hesitated a moment and then forcefully nodded. "Yes, I am. So, what about it?"

Alex's response was to straddle Olivia's lap. She raised her arms and removed her shirt, revealing firm breasts with coral tips. She wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and kissed her.

"Yes."

She began urging Olivia's arms up and above her head and soon both women were topless and making out in Olivia's arm chair. The brunette slipped her fingers underneath the blond's waistband and smiled at the wetness that covered her fingers.

She slid two fingers up and into Alex who moaned and began to ride them.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Next Morning

Olivia was happier than she had been in a long time, if not ever. She'd left Alex sleeping in her—their?—bed after a night of making love and making plans. Asking Alex to move in together seemed only natural and right to her and she couldn't wait to tell Elliot he could finally stop worrying about her being alone.

She'd even stopped by the donut shop and picked up a dozen for the squad. She breezed into the squad room and began to hum. Her good mood did not go unnoticed by anyone and soon Elliot was directing her to one of the interrogation rooms.

"Elliot…"

"Spill it. What or should I say who, has put you into such a good mood?"

"Alex and I are moving in together." She beamed as she told Elliot and he couldn't help but smile.

"You and Cabot huh?" He shook his head. "I'm glad for you Liv. So, when is this going to happen and where are you going to live?"

Olivia looked sheepish. "Within the next two weeks and we are going to move into her place first. It's bigger, has two bedrooms, closer to work and of course, nicer."

"Wow, Liv is moving uptown." A thought struck Elliot. "Hey you are in rent control, right?" She nodded. "Kathleen is doing much better and is ready to try living on her own."

Olivia nodded. "She can sublet."

"And you'll have a place in case…."

At her scowl he quit talking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

2 Days later at Dinner

"So you and Olivia are going to move in together?"

Alex smiled at her friend and nodded.

"Kathleen Stabler is going to sublet Liv's apartment and she's moving into mine."

"So you've rented the U-Haul?"

Both women laughed.

"Seriously Alex, I am happy for you." Her voice trailed off in a wistful fashion causing Alex to raise an eyebrow at her. Serena shook her head and went back to eating her salad.

"So, we can count on you for help on Saturday?"

"Well, I suppose. It's not like I have a love life."

"You'll find somebody Serena."

The other blond muttered, "I already did and now she's gone."

"Serena?"

Again the blond waved her off. Before Alex could say anything else her phone rang.

"Cabot."

"Is that any way to greet your stud muffin girlfriend?"

Alex couldn't help but smile. "Sorry. I'm having dinner with Serena. What's up?"

As Olivia let her know that she was at the hospital with Liz Donnelly, Alex grew concerned and her face fell. Serena saw her friend's distress and stopped eating; trying to find out what was going on.

Alex looked shaken and waved the waiter over to get the check.

"Liv is at the hospital with Liz Donnelly. She was assaulted in her home. Luckily Elliot was there when it happened and they got her to the hospital in time, but Liv is staying with her until she's completely awake and a guard arrives."

"I'm going with you."

Serena's tone told Alex all she needed to know.

XXXXXXXXXXX

They found Olivia sitting in a chair next to Liz with the older woman awake if not fully alert. Her eyes slid in the direction of Alex and then widened as they landed on Serena.

Unable to hold her emotions back any longer, the blond rushed to Liz's bedside and threw her arms as best she could, around the older woman. Olivia glanced in Alex's direction and nodded as her girlfriend motioned for her to leave.

Once outside the room Olivia motioned in the direction of Serena and Liz.

"Are they….?"

"Looks like they were and probably will be again. Now, tell me about this assault."

Olivia has just finished telling Alex what she knew when the blond wanted to speak with Elliot. Olivia opened her phone and called, surprised when Dale Stuckey answered Elliot's cell. She grew even more surprised when Stuckey told her Elliot had gone out for sushi. She knew her partner and he was a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

She hung-up the phone and replayed the conversation in her mind. When Alex asked her what was wrong, she put everything together and quickly told Alex what was going on and what she needed her to do.

XXXXXXXXXXX

4 Hours Later

They were finally finished with all the paper work and Alex was taking Olivia home. The brunette hadn't said much to her and Alex knew she was upset over having to take a life, no matter how rotten the person was. She also knew that Olivia and O'Hallerin were friendly if not friends and that the entire squad would miss the tech.

As soon as they got back to Alex's apartment, Olivia headed straight for the bedroom and Alex joined her.

"I'm so thankful Alex."

As she held her girlfriend she stroked her hair. "For what Liv?"

"For you, for not having to come home alone after something like this. I love you."

"And I love you Liv."

**A/N: Given the fact that Stephanie March has signed for more episodes next year, the story is stopping here, but will be continued next year as those episodes air. (THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED TO THE STORY 3 YEARS AGO, TO MY KNOWLEDGE SHE IS NOT COMING BACK ANYTIME SOON).  
**

**Moving forward, the next parts of this series are Buoy, Slack tide, High Tide and that's as far as I got, but I may continue with the planned Low Tide. (THESES ARE THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS UNIVERSE THAT WERE WRITTEN BACK THEN).  
**


End file.
